Wednesday, February 18, 2009

His hands are holding me

Things were going fairly well lately, then I hit a snag or two. Unfulfilled expectations mostly and the evil one messing with my sense of personal value to the world. It started, well I noticed it on Valentines Day, when any expectation of appreciation was dashed, leaving me to cry myself to sleep.

Comments and lack-there-of continued for the weekend, stretching into Tuesday, my weekly mandatory unpaid day off... which brought me to a commute this morning in full breakdown mode. I was almost to work, thinking I'd maybe park around the corner and finish my cry so I could enter my workplace with a semblance of dignity, when this song came on. I love it, but don't think I really heard the words until today.

By Your Side ~ Tenth Avenue North

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

As I said, I was crushed by the lack of love I felt from my earthly husband, when in the greater scheme of things, what does that matter? I have the Lords everlasting love showering me 24/7/365. I was able to enter work with my head held high knowing that I am loved, valued, and important - even if no early being ever tells me or shows me that again. Even at work, I'm not 20% less valuable... I am chosen, I am loved and I am saved. What more could we all ask for?!?!?

"I will answer them before they even call to me. While they are still talking about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers!" ~ Isaiah 65:24, NLT

frog line